Till your comfortable

My therapist and I are working on something new in my life.

Radical Vulnerability

It started one day when my therapist text me and sent me this link of  Brene Brown’s TED Talk titled “The Power Of Vulnerability”. When I watched this, I realized that she took the last nine month of our work together and was pushing me further into the space where I said I wanted to be.I decided I was ready. I was going to conquer this next thing.

So on the day before my birthday, I had my scheduled therapy session. I walked into that office thinking I was fully prepared for what life had next. I was already doing the healing work so whatever was next couldn’t be that bad. Plus, we had discussed I wanted to create a list of things of things I wanted for this year of my life. Some were financial goals, others were body image goals, the rest were career and my emotional health related. As we began to go through the list, I realized that a lot of the things I previously wanted weren’t mine. They were not  rooted in my desires or my vision for my life. They were rooted in the expectations of others, so we decided to really dedicate some serious time to defining me and……

OH GOOD LORD I WAS NO PREPARED

I had to finally voice things that I had scribbled in my journals, or on random pieces of paper, or I kept in the deep recesses of my heart. I had to acknowledge and share the very things that haunted me.

I had no idea just how deep they went. Just how much I held myself back from. 

After the session,something that someone who I have grown to love and respect deeply, began to ring in my head.

“You won’t be able to do it until your comfortable.”

And part of being comfortable required me to say some things out loud

Working on getting my confidence back after rocky relationships, views from my family, and these world expectations has taken its toll on me. I think back to how confident and creative I used to be. The risks I was willing to take, how easy it was to express myself. I miss that Kira. I wish to combine her with they Kira I am now. The one that’s wiser, and more practical. The one that has a bit more of life under her belt. I know that If I commit to the work that requires for this to happen I will be unstoppable, a force, THAT Jawn, but there are things that I am still working through, getting over, shedding that are really scary.

Radical vulnerability requires for you to shine a light in every corner and crevice of yourself and examine what is stored there. Once you see what’s there, you have to reckon with it. Hold it. Get familiar with it and decide what you are going to do with it. There are a few things you can do with the things you find. 

I want to live my best life and be my best self. I want the things in my dreams to come true and be real. I want the things that I desire without guilt or judgement and I want to get there whole.

Since deciding to be vulnerable, my world has opened up so much. My relationships have gotten deeper, I am able to express the things that are in my head and I no longer feel so ashamed.

Doing the work has shown me that vulnerability is worth it and its healthy. So take the time keep on keepin on, and do what’s required to live the life that you want. It will be worth it.